I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
