everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
