Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
