After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
