The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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