we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
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