just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Well I just put wine in my tea
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
