Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
