I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
