u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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