That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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