Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize