Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Randomize
