she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
