Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
