Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
