Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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