The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
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