i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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