I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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