If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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