I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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