I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
