i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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