It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
