I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
