She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
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