we have pet lesbian snakes
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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