I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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