People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
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