did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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