Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
