maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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