Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
