dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
