good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
