apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
