i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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