They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
