I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
You can't just leave with hair like that
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
