Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
