Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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