i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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