He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
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I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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