Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
