yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
She tied me up with her honor cords...
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I love you. Go after that dick
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
