Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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