"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
