I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
