1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
