Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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