Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
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FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
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It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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