I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
