God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
