all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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