just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
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I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
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I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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