apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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