Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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