You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
