3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
