I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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