I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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