I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
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