my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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