I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
