Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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