let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
