I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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