so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
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